I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
