I wanna bring you to show and tell
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Drunk is not a location!
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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