Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
