this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
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