he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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