At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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