I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
