Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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