Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I seem to have left my pride at pride
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
