once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
