I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
