Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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