ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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