just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
