is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
