K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Drunk is not a location!
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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