i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
There's always time for handjobs
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize