When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
