So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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