oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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