Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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