I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
