I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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