That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
