He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
But break dance skills will only take you so far
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
