you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
