made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
