Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
