What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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