I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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