if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
