Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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