I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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