dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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