it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
