Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
