She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
