All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
