OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
