He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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