Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
