The maid of honor just puked.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
