This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize