in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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