when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
