I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
