Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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