I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
