This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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