toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
