Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
