i would punch a child for taco bell
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
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