Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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