Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
My dick has a subreddit
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
