so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Too much gin, very little bucket
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize