I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
