i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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