It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
