I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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