the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
