I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
