Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
