Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
