all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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