i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Randomize
