you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
