Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize