i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
