Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
