just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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