Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
