There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
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