you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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