Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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