i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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