you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize