I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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