Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
