Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
