I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
