she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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