Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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