what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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