i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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