she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
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