Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
