he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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