theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
